I arrived at work just a couple of minutes early. Something's missinng. Oh. It's our supervisor. His looming and strict presence is missing. They even sent in two of the morning supervisors plus an assistant to fill in his place. Apparently he was injured at work that day. I look around. Oh well.
The clock strikes 5:30. Time to start working.
After a while, I notice a tall figure - a stark contrast to most of the others - scrambling around. Whenever he passes by us, he would look. Like really look. As in he would look me straight in the eyes. His wide eyes were not helping either.
Work. Work. Even more work.
His next visit was one hour befor the end of our shift. Since he didn't know our names, he needed to come by and ask us - attendance - He stood close, like really close. It was warranted though, because the print on the attendance sheet was so small, and there were so many names. I didn't know there were that many of us. After a couple of seconds I found my name on the sheet. "Oh, here it is." That's the first time I probably said anything to him.
He just lingered there, for a little while. Just a little.
Then as he was leaving, he looks back and gives me one final look. Hmmm. What could that mean?
It's the last day of work for me. My favourite day of the week also. Fri-Yay indeed.
I'm catching his eyes more. I can feel it. I can see it. It's all in the looks. The going out of his way to check on me. "Do you need help?" "Should I call someone?" "Is everything okay here?" For no reason too.
Maybe I'm reading too much into this?
First day of work week. I come into work a few minutes early like usual. Our supervisor's back. He doesn't look too good too. I want to ask him if he's okay, and how's his injuries are. And why he came back so early. But alas, it's time to start the shift. After a while I look around. I don't see him. Maybe he left since our supervisor is back.
Oh well.
I started work as usual. Work, work, work. I haven't been working for 20 minutes when.. "Everything good here?" Why did my heart skip a couple of beats? His visits are more frequent now. The machine we were working with broke down. He just so happened to be around. I tried to get his attention - which wasn't so hard - and motioned for him to call the guys for help. He's coming over. For what? Whenever we tell our supervisor we need help, he just calls. No questions asked, no coming over. I mean he should be too busy for that, right?
He actually comes over. "Which side is it?"
"I'll show you." I lead him to the backside.
Why is HE trying to fix it? I knew he couldn't. But watching him try... was so amusing and cute? After giving it a couple of tries, he gives up. "I'll call up the guys" he says, while smiling.
-///-
After he called one of the guys came over. He comes back - again - just while I'm coming out of the back through the narrow walk way on the side. It's so narrow that it only fits one person at a time. He could've just waited until I came out to come in. I mean him coming over to check on the guys was already too much, but now he is actually squeezing past me while asking me if the guys came over. He's trying to go to the backside, while I'm trying to go to the front and get back to working. His cologne. It smells so good. I just noticed, since he got so close to me.
Today I was working at the bagging area at the back. It's the easiest place to work at. The supervisor doesn't usually send me there. I don't really like working there either. Mainly because it is too hot in that area. Not today though. I snatched the little spot that has the fan! Which is also at the far edge of one of the belts in the bagging area.
After the first few minutes of work, he came around almost immedietly. He checked on us. After which an order came in for 35 bags from our section. We had only done around 10. So he decided to stick around until we finished. Of course we were rushing to finish as fast as possibe. Two of us were at the end - one at each side - but he decided to stand closer to me and since I was at the edge on the far end, I was the one helping him out and passing along the bags the others filled to him.
At first, I tried to help him fill the cart, but I put it in the wrong way. "Ooh, sorry." "Don't worry, I'll fix it. Just pass on the bags to me." "Sorry." I apologized again, a little louder this time but just as awkward as the first. And I went back to work. As I kept passing bag after bag to him, while also filling my own bags, I would just pass the bags to his side without looking at him. Since we didn't have gloves on today - glove shortage - I'm sure I felt it. I mean if I did have gloves on, my mind would certainly find a way to CONVINCE me that I was exaggerating. I could feel his fingers brush against mine. Now, I am fully aware this could've been a coincidence, but seriously, the bags are not that tiny. They are at least the length of my arm when filled - I know my arms are tiny but still - and quite bulky. What I'm trying to say is, he could've grabbed anywhere else on the bag. Maybe he wasn't looking? No, he was definetely looking. His whole body was facing towards me, while mine was facing to the side. Anyways, I don't think it was only once either. But I AM sure of that one time.
After that part was over, he also kept walking back and forth 'checking on us'
Today was...I don't know what word to use, so I'll just tell you what happened.
You know I keep telling myself that I'm just looking too deeply into things - like I usually do - but after tonight, I don't think I'm exagerating.. at all. Work started as usual today. I worked hard, until it was break time. Then after break time was over, I just went straight back to my station. Our supervisor came by and asked me to work... AT THE BACK OF OUR MACHINE! THAT IS MY FAVORITE PLACE TO WORK AT! MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE! First of all, it's towards the back of the facility where the huge doors are, and there is always at least one door open. That means fresh air! Secondly and most importantly, only one person works at the backof each machine (usually). That means I get to work alone, by myself, solo. That gives me so much joy! Because when I'm working all alone, I get some quiet time to think and clear my headspace. I love having time alone. It feels so good and calming. I gain a lot of energy from being alone. I don't usually get a lot of time to myslef even at home, that is why any little moment by myself is absolutely precious to me.
Anyway, as you can imagine I was very happy to go to the back. I immedietly set off to my station, smiling. When I arrived at the back, instead of the usual carts, there were huge boxes. I didn't quite know what to do with them, so I looked around to find my supervisor. Instead, I found him at the space between our machine and the other one.
"Excuse me."
He looked back towards me. "Yes?"
"Should I just use these boxes? Or should I go find some carts?" I asked, while motioning to the boxes.
He leans over the output area and looks. "Sure" He smiles.
"Okay", I smile back.
Then I hurry back to work. He actually jumps over to take a look. "You can just use the boxes, then you can look for a cart." He's looking at me, standing close. A bit too close. I take one step to the side towards the boxes and I said, "Thanks. I just wanted to make sure." I smiled again and started working. He just left.
After a while, I see him. He's coming to.. the back of the machine next to the one I was working at. But why? That machine is a lot simpler than ours. It doesn't usually require a lot of work. I dont' hear it beeping, that means it doesn't require the guys to come over. I look over at the ladies - I can see their backs towards me from where I'm working - and their work is going smoothly. So why.. then he comes all the way to the back, right in front of my work space. He takes one quick look at the machine ( it was not needed) and leans on it facing me directly. And he just stands there. Causally, looking at the machine every few seconds. Then he just gazes at me. I look at him once.. he's not looking away. I look at him again.. he's not leaving. I start feeling heat in my face. I'm getting nervous, so I just focus on my work. Something you should know about me is that I strongly dislike being the centre of attention. I just can't take it to be honest. Like what do I do with my hands? My facial expressions become weird. I get so shy, so I just avert my gaze and start biting inside my lower lip.
So many feels. I haven't felt like this for so long. Nothing real like this maybe ever? Butterflies, giggly, flattered, nervous. Sad too. I think tonight might have been his final night helping out the superviser. "Thank you everyone!" he said, as he was leaving. He never said that before. Usually he would just leave super quietly. Oh, I really hope he comes back tomorrow. Just tomorrow.
Today was just amazing. I didn't see him around as much as yesterday and the first days, but whenever he came around, he made sure to give me 'that' look.
What just happened tonight? At the beginnning of the shift he was just quiet. Like the last hour of our shift last night. He just looked at me but never really spoke to me or came in my direction. He didn't even come to check on the machine. After looking around and wondering if something was wrong for the first 2 and half hours until breaktime, after break I decided that maybe it was time to just let things be. Maybe he's just tired of things.
After the break, the supervisor asked me to go work in the back, but then I was relocated again to the "small" section after everyone refused to go there. While I was walking around and back to get to the work area, he appeared in front of me and asked me where I was going in a strong tone. I was kind of taken aback, but I answered calmly "Um, the supervisor told me to work there." Since it was my first time here, the supervisor had to give me a small tutorial on how to work things here, which took a couple of seconds. I got the hang of how things worked quickly, and my excitement at working here - I always wanted to try working here since I first arrived about 4 months ago - was greater than the disapointment that was starting to creep up in my stomach. After getting into the rythem of the work, I could really feel the disapointment. It didn't stay for long though. "It's okay" I kept telling myself. It's okay even if he doesn't want to talk to you anymore. It was cute, and fun, and more while it lasted. Besides, it is most likely that you are the only one that was paying attention to those things. Wow, Rianne you are really good at letting yourself down. I was surprised at how easy it was to smile and think about something else almost immedietely.
That is, until I noticed a figure in my peripheral vision. I thought of just focusing on my work, but then decided against it. I looked up at him. He was looking at me like he was waiting for me to notice him. Then he started walking towards me. I looked at him half-expecting him to point out something I was doing wrong, or to tell me I was needed somewhere. Then he does the thing I was expecting the least, especially considering how he was acting since the leter portion of last night. He starts a conversation.
"So, do you go to school?"
"Yes :)"
"Highschool?"
"No, college."
"Oh. What are you studying for?"
"Teaching."
"Oh you wanna become a teacher? Do you want to go back to Africa, or India, or Nepal where you came from and teach there?" I guess he didn't know where I'm from and he guessed it was one of those three.
"Maybe, I don't know." "What about you?"
"No, I'm just gonna work at this company forever. I'm too old to go back to school."
"Oh, how old are you?"
"How old do I look?"
"Mmm, maybe 25?"
"Nah, I'm 30"
I knew he was joking from the way he said it while looking down. I couldn't help but laugh and smile widely while sayinng "Nooooo" which got me a baig laugh out of him while maintainingn eye contact. I can't even beginn to describe the amout of feels I had whirling around like a tsunami in my stomach at that moment. It was so endearing to see him react to me like that.
" No, I'm actually 24."
"Oh, I'm actually older than you."
"Really? How old are you?" he said while walking forward.
"I'm 25"
"Oh. Were you born and raised here?"
"Yes, I was born here but not raised."
"Where were you raised?" As he was saying this, I noticed we were standing still for too long, and the computer was malfunctioning. I interuppted him. "Um, do you know how to fix this?" Just as he started looking around, the unmistakable voice came from behind me. "Rianne, can you please work at the back for the final hour?" It was the supervisor. "Sure" I replied. And then I started walking towards the back while saying "We keep going back and forth" referring to how the su[ervisor just doesn't let me work in one place. As he was replying,
Another week has begun. I am feeling so sick from the nasty cold I had since saturday, but I'm also looking so looking forward to going back to work today.
The first thing I do when I come in is look around for him while walking to the locker room. "Is he here today? I hope he is." Oh, there he is! I found him talking to the manager that came down to see how things were going. The manager - who we all strongly dislike - usually comes around on mondays and tuesdays, which happen to be the busiest days of the week. I put on my gloves and start working.
Alas, the dream has finally come to an end. As do all dreams. I knew it would. I've been anticipating this day for a while now. I feel okay though. I don't know how I was expecting to feel, but I feel okay.
Today was his final day with us. He also left early. As I was walking into my workplace, he nodded and smiled at me. He doesn't usually do that so openly. Then we were gathered for a sudden meeting. After the meeting ended, we were a couple of minutes late for the start of work. He came to the back where I was working today to thank us and announce that today would be his last with us. While giving us the news, he was looking straight at me. Although there were a couple of us, he was looking at me specificaly like he usually does. Just then, I wanted to say a couple of things. "Why so early?" "I wish you could stay a little longer." Most importantly, "I still don't know your name." I held back though. I thought he would at least stay until the end of our shift. Or at least till break time..
I only saw him two more times after that. The first time he came around, he was with a woman who turned out to be the mother of one of the younger girls whom I was working with since yesterday. Her mother was working overtime from the shift before us. He was telling her mother how her daughter was a bit distracted when working, and how she was on her phone most of the time (which she actually got fired for in the same day) and how I was the hard working one. He then proceeds to look at me and tells me: "Keep up the good work, okay?" Of course I can't look at him when he says that, and the lady is giving me those judgy, shifty mom eyes. "Okay" I say sheepishly, with the smallest voice you can imagine and a smile. It's the second or third time he's acknowledging my hardwork in the span of about two weeks, and it fills me with absolute joy. As someone whoe puts her all when doing things - especially for others - and not getting any acknowledgemnt for so long, even from those closest to me, even from my supervisor at work, what he said was so important to me. The fact that he noticed, and decided to voice it out, directly to me is so kind of him. And I really, really apreciate it.
The second time, he came to check up on us one last time. I looked at him beause I wanted to talk to him as he was leaving. He looked back at me. Then he left.
It's amazing how he would catch my gaze every single time. Even when I was just curious about who was walking by. Even when I was among so many people. Even when we were being addressed in the meeting. Everytime. It's also amazing how he would find a way to walk by me, brush past me, even if it meant he had to walk between me and the machine I was working on, and that I would have to stop work for a couple of seconds, or behind me to reach the pull switch and then linger. He would always find a way to linger around me just a bit longer than needed. To go out of his way to ask me how I was doing, or if everything was going smoothly.